Finding Myself

I’ve been living my best possible life since I’ve been single. You guys have to understand, I was a relationship hopper!

It goes all the way back to high school. For the last 3 years of high school, I was with my high school sweetheart. That was the man I thought I was going to marry, but God had other plans. Anyways, after high school, we split for some dumb reason.

After that, I met my child’s father and we rushed into this super serious relationship that lasted almost 2 years. He was abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically, so getting out of that relationship was for me and my sons' safety.

After a very dramatic split from my son's father, I soon ran into my high school sweet heart!! And it was like we hadn’t missed a beat. We started working on us again... Unfortunately, my high school sweetheart unexpectedly passed away a few months after. My heart was crushed. That was true heartbreak.

But then I met this sweet, innocent guy who helped put me back together. We fell for each other and fell hard. We made it almost 7 yrs…and that’s the relationship that I just ended.

Did anyone see a gap of time where I had time to focus on me? No? Good, so I’m not tripping! I hopped from one relationship right into a new one, not knowing the toll it would take on me!

For all those years, I was thinking about me and someone else. I had never made a decision and just thought about myself. It was always about how it would affect "us." Relationships come with their own world of problems, so carving out time to feed your soul is hard. I never got any true me time. I really didn’t even know who I was. I knew who I was while with someone else, but not by myself alone. My soul was surviving on the approval of my partners, but I needed self-love... pure, real, genuine self-love!

It’s so important to love yourself first. How is a man supposed to know how to love you the way you need to if you don’t know how to love yourself? That causes him to create his own way of loving you. Now, what he comes up with may be appropriate at the time, but sooner or later, your soul is going to crave more. You are going to feel like something is missing or something is wrong. That’s because he’s not loving you the way you need to be loved. And if you haven’t taken the time to figure out how you need to be loved, then how can you let your partner know what it is exactly you need?

I’ve learned that getting to know yourself inside and out is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. Because at that point, you know who YOU ARE! There would be nothing any man or woman could tell you about yourself at that point! You know what you need to be happy, so anything less would lead to unhappiness, and that should NEVER be an option!

I’ve already learned so much about myself with this time to myself. I will admit, I do miss the intimacy of being in a relationship, but I’m being patient and just embracing this journey. My happily ever after will find me, but I have to find myself first.

-MB