Sexual Spirit

Let’s say you meet someone and they’re great. They have everything you are looking for. You guys have grown a connection, and you’re catching feelings. Up to this point, you guys hadn’t done anything sexually except maybe some intense make-out sessions. So you’re steaming up and ready for the first time... the big moment comes and the anticipation is at its peak!! Then it happens, and it’s not what you expected. It’s not good at all.

What would you do? How important is sex while dating someone? Are you willing to work with them if you really like them? Women can bend and twist when it comes to a lot of things in relationships. Being sexually satisfied is one of them. We're afraid of bruising our man's ego, so we don't bring it up unless we really like him. But most women have a nasty sexual spirit that is always ready to be unleashed!

Your sexual spirit is your voice in the bed room. It’s a mode you turn on, it’s a vibe! When women embrace their sexual spirit, we are able to reach the peak of our sexuality. I don’t know how to fully describe it, but it’s like a sexual high, a time when our sex appeal is at its highest and our comfortability level is up. I read somewhere that the more comfortable a woman is during sex, the easier it is for her to have an orgasm. We have to voice what we need in the bedroom, and that sexual spirit is sometimes the best way to communicate exactly what’s needed.

Your partner has to be willing to listen. They have to be willing to put their ego aside and want to make sure you are pleased. Great sex doesn’t come from selfishness. You can’t worry about your needs and wants. Your focus should be on catering to your partner's needs and wants, and vice versa. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how you like it. Discuss in detail how you prefer to be handled in bed. Regarding sex positions, let him know your favorites and the ones you would like to try.

However, you should also try to tell them what you don't like. How will they know if you don’t communicate that with them? Just like you have to voice what you like, you have to voice even louder what you don’t like. We’re not trying to bruise their ego, so make sure you think about how you’re going to express your feelings before you say them. Maybe one night after sex, you can ease into the conversation by saying something like, "I really liked it when you did this." If he wants to please you or play his dick game, he'll be curious about what else you liked and will start asking questions about how the conversation is going. You could possibly incorporate the things you disliked. You could say, "I liked it more when you were doing this than when you were doing that." Then you cross your fingers and hope that he listened to your criticisms and made the necessary changes the next time...

What do you do if they don’t catch on, though? How long do you tolerate bland sex? A friend of mine is currently dealing with this issue. She’s tried explaining to him that she's not satisfied sexually, but nothing has changed. But nothing changed. She even created a game to help him learn her likes and dislikes. He’s just not catching on to her vagina’s unhappiness. He’s got everything else she’s looking for... But the bad sex is causing her sexual spirit to become agitated. Which is making her want to seek pleasure elsewhere. They’ve been dating on and off for a few months, so they are still new, but she asked me how long she should stick around. I didn’t have a definite answer for her. It all depended on her feelings for him and how long she was willing to work on it.

Everyone likes different things in the bedroom, so sex while dating should be like every other aspect of dating. Getting to know each other's bodies and how they react to different things. Dating sex should be fun and experimental, almost.

Which is why I ask, how important is sex during dating? Does it have to be good right off the bat, or are you willing to teach them?

For me personally, at this point in my life, sex is very important while dating. I’ll explain why. When dating my ex, we wanted to wait to have sex until we were together officially. Then we got together and got to that highly anticipated moment. It was disappointing. Well, technically it didn't happen. He couldn't get his soldier to salute, if you know what I mean. But I really liked the guy, so I stuck around... for 6 years!

Yes! Yes! I know what you’re thinking! What the hell was I thinking? Well, I’ll tell you, at the time, I did not feel sex was a make it or break it thing in a relationship... And he was doing everything else right at the time, so that weighed in more than the fact that the sex was bland. But I have to admit that not everything about the sex was wack... the head was AMAZING!! He could make me cum countless times when he gave me head... But but... that was it. That was the highlight of my sex life for 6 years.

I tried to teach him, you know, work with him on the other areas he was struggling in, but nothing stuck... But I loved him, so I felt as long as I was cumming, I could get over the horrible dick game. Which did work for about 5 years, but after awhile I started becoming resentful because he couldn’t satisfy me, plus some other things that were going on. The whole time, my sexual spirit was yearning for more but wasn’t getting it, which was aggravating... So the way I approached situations started changing. I started responding disrespectfully when we would discuss our sex life. Whichultimately didn’t help his confidence in the bedroom, which in turn killed our love life.

I don’t know if things would have ended differently if he had had an amazing stroke. But what I DO know is that I wish I had gotten on the ride sooner to see if it was worth the lifetime ticket. Once my emotions were 100% involved in the relationship, it made it that much harder for me to communicate my feelings about our sex life because I was worried about his feelings.

So yes, sex is a big deal for me when dating now. If you’re dating me, you’ve got to be able to feed my sexual spirit. On the second date, I had sex with Mr. Perfect. It wasn’t the plan, but I'm glad I did it. My sexual spirit is very happy right now. If the guy you’re dating can’t get it together a month or two after you start having sex, it’s time to seek other potential candidates. Trust me when I say you don’t want to get stuck in a dry sex relationship. It probably will not end well.

-MB