Okay, let's do a quick recap of my dating experience so far. I hoed around for a little bit at the beginning; I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just having fun. Then the fun got old and I was ready to make a connection with someone, so I took dating a little more seriously. I ran into a few duds but somehow found a diamond. Then I met Mr. Perfect, and things have been picture perfect ever since. Since we’ve been dating, he’s met my mom. She likes him a lot, which is great because me and my mom are super close, so it may have been a deal breaker if she didn’t approve. But there’s someone whose opinion matters more to me than my mom's... my son!
The first love of my life, my son, He’s eight years old, and he is very protective of me just as much as I am of him. His happiness means the most to me, so his approval of Mr. Perfect is a BIG deal...
My son was like 6 or 7 months old when I met my ex, so he’s been the only man in his life all these years. That situation was kind of different. At that time, he couldn’t talk to express how he felt, so I made sure I paid attention to his actions. My ex and I dated for 8 months before we made things "official," and even then, I had to make sure he could handle being a possible father figure in my child’s life. More importantly, I wanted to make sure my son was comfortable around him. After a few play dates, it was clear they would get along just fine. Once he got older and started noticing I wasn’t happy, he definitely made sure to voice his opinion and made sure I knew how he felt. My son was actually the first to tell me I should leave my ex.
I didn’t realize I was going to meet someone so soon. I thought it was going to take some months to find someone worth my time. Now that I’ve found someone and my son is able to voice his opinion freely, I’m nervous about him meeting Mr. Perfect! I’m not nervous because I don’t think my son will like him. I know he will. They are into all the same things. It’s a personal nervousness. I’m worried about introducing another man into his life. I never wanted my son to have to constantly deal with multiple men in my life. See, my original plan was to only have to introduce him to one man, and that man would be the man I’d marry, but life doesn’t care about your plans. I didn’t want to bounce my son around from one situation to another.
Now me and Mr. Perfect have been dating for 2 months. To me, that is too soon for me to introduce them... My friends and family think I could maybe have little meet-ups or pow wows with them before I introduce them officially. I think that is a good idea, but I’m still a little nervous about it. My ex is still fresh in my son's mind. They are still friends, and I still allow them to spend time together because of the bond they’ve built over the years. What if he brings him up during the meet? What if he decides he likes my ex more?
When I talked to my son about me and my ex not being together anymore, he certainly had his questions. He wanted to know what happened. He inquired as to whether the next man he would date would be his stepfather. For some reason, he thought I was married, but that’s neither here nor there. He had a lot of questions, and I tried to answer all of them so he could understand. I want to make sure he knows how his mom should be treated so he will know how he should treat his future partner. I explained what a relationship should look like. I’ll probably have to keep explaining over time, and my explanation may change over time as I gain more wisdom, but I also have to show him.
So here’s my plan. I'm going to wait to introduce them. I am not going to put a time frame on it. I’m going to let it happen organically. I am going to start off small, for sure, though. Maybe go for a walk in the park or to see a movie, something light but fun. That way, when he thinks of Mr. Perfect, he’ll hopefully think of fun times. After a few small encounters, I’ll turn it up a notch. We can start having dinners together. I’m sure by this time he will have a ton of questions prepared, so answering all his questions over dinner will help them get to know each other better. For awhile, I'll probably continue a pattern of doing little activities and dinners for awhile. Maybe having some nights where we stay at his house together or he stays at our house, doing a movie night.
I want to ease my son into a new situation instead of just throwing him into it. When the time comes to let him know we are a couple, I want to have me and Mr. Perfect sit down and talk to him together. Make sure we answer all his questions, no matter how crazy they are! I want him to feel comfortable in the new situation. As long as I’m happy and he’s able to continue to watch YouTube and play video games, he will be happy. And if he’s happy, then maybe we can have our happily ever after!
-MB
