Too Honest?

I’ve been told in the past that I’m too honest. Like, what is being too honest? I’ve never heard of that shit before in my life, but yet I continue to get told I’m too honest. Most of the time, it's when it comes to relationships. But again, I really don’t see that as a bad thing.

I don’t like to assume anything when it comes to dating and being in relationships. Like they say, "When you assume things, you make an ass out of yourself." So I confirm everything. By doing that, I’m able to let my partner know my current feelings and find out theirs.

Now hear me out...I’m not constantly in my partners' faces nagging them about my feelings. Even I would be annoyed by that. I'd like to be more subtle. For example, at the beginning of my relationship with Mr. Perfect, even though I felt like we were on the same page, I didn’t just want to assume. I decided to send him a message expressing my feelings and see what his response was. His response would be just what I needed; he would confirm that he felt the same and then some...

It should be that easy...But not all partners are open about their feelings. There have been times when I’ve had to ask straight out, "How do you feel about me?" because the person wasn’t expressing themselves or their actions weren’t matching their words. Usually, when I had to be that upfront, the relationship would die soon afterward. To me, in my mind, if you’re really feeling me, you would make sure you tell me, and your actions would show those feelings you have expressed.

A friend of mine said to me, "You don’t need to confirm anything, girl! You're being too upfront. You're going to scare them off. " ...My response was, "Well, they can go!" I do not have time to play guessing games when it comes to my feelings. My biggest pet peeve is wasting my time, and that’s exactly what ends up happening when you don’t open your mouth. At the beginning of every dating situation, most people ask, "What are you looking for?" If your response is close to or around "Someone I can settle down with," my asking you about how you feel should not bother you. Because if you don’t feel the same or one of us is moving faster than the other, that needs to be known so adjustments can be made. No one has time for high school games unless They're not fun or cute when you’re 30 years old and over...

I do not like to waste time, as I’m sure no one does. So for me, getting confirmation and being upfront with my feelings prevents that. If your feelings don’t match mine, I simply re-evaluate the dating situation. I think about how you’ve been moving and your responses to my dating questions...I also think about my actions...I could be giving you too much energy you don’t want, are ready for, or possibly even deserve...After my evaluation, I decide if continuing on with the dating situation is in my best interest. If I decide to continue with the dating process, a conversation is going to have to happen just to make sure we are indeed on the same page. If I choose to terminate the situation, I’ll just simply fall back. You need to have a conversation about it. If you don’t like the change, you will do what you need to fix it.

Being blunt and honest keeps me from wasting time on people who are planning to waste mine. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all! I’m going to give you exactly what I would hope to get in return: honesty.

I want a relationship that’s completely transparent...I want to be able to talk to you about my heavy period flow that month and shit like that! I want to be able to talk to you about literally anything without any hints of judgment. That’s an important thing for me in a relationship. It should be important in any relationship. That’s one of the big things I ask for in the beginning, so don’t be surprised when that’s what I give you.

-MB